Those Phrases given by A Father That Helped Us during my time as a First-Time Dad

"In my view I was merely just surviving for twelve months."

Ex- Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey expected to handle the demands of fatherhood.

Yet the reality quickly turned out to be "completely different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health problems surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was pushed into becoming her primary caregiver while also taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I handled every night time, every nappy change… every walk. The role of both parents," Ryan stated.

Following eleven months he became exhausted. It was a chat with his father, on a park bench, that helped him see he needed help.

The simple words "You're not in a good place. You must get some help. How can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and find a way back.

His situation is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. Although the public is now better used to addressing the strain on mums and about PND, not enough is spoken about the difficulties dads face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan believes his struggles are symptomatic of a larger inability to open up among men, who often internalise negative perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just gets hit and remains standing time and again."

"It is not a display of weakness to request help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men often don't want to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not justified to be requesting help" - particularly ahead of a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental health is equally important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the chance to ask for a respite - taking a few days overseas, separate from the family home, to gain perspective.

He understood he required a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the logistical chores of looking after a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words.

Self-parenting

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will help his son better understand the expression of emotional life and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen lacked stable male guidance. Despite having an "amazing" bond with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences caused his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says repressing emotions caused him to make "terrible decisions" when younger to alter how he felt, finding solace in alcohol and substances as escapism from the hurt.

"You gravitate to substances that don't help," he notes. "They can short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Advice for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling under pressure, confide in a trusted person, your partner or a counsellor what you're going through. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the things that allowed you to feel like you before becoming a parent. This might be going for a run, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical stuff - a good diet, getting some exercise and if you can, resting, all contribute in how your emotional health is faring.
• Meet other first-time fathers - sharing their experiences, the difficult parts, and also the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Know that seeking help isn't failing - taking care of you is the best way you can care for your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the loss, having had no contact with him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead give the stability and emotional support he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - expressing the frustrations safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they faced their issues, transformed how they communicate, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their children.

"I'm better… processing things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I wrote, on occasion I feel like my job is to instruct and tell you on life, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning as much as you are in this journey."